Our Long Journey
by Seera'sTopHat
Summary: A week after J.D's leave, something terrible happens making Dr. Cox realize that he can't work without the kid. Father/son relationship.
1. His Week After

**Title: Our Long Journey **

**Summary: A week after J.D's leave, something terrible happens making Dr. Cox realize that he can't work without the kid.**

**Rating: T for minor swearing, quite a bit of angst too. **

**Pairings: J. father/son relationship. (I love the whole father/son thing :D)**

**Author's Note: Okay, so this is my first Scrubs fanfic. So I decided to start with an easy topic that is J.D gets hurt and Dr. Cox comes to the dramatic rescue. Of course, most fanfics I've read have Dr. Cox there when J.D comes in and he treats him, but I tried to stray a bit away from that. This first chapter is more of an insight, or prologue, about Dr. Cox's feelings about J.D leaving and such. The second chapter will be the actually start of the story, but we just needed to get this part out the way. **

_**His Week After**_

I had just finished my first week without that puppy trailing two steps behind me. Of course that had slightly changed when I became Chief of Medicine, but he was the person who came in to demand things, almost the way I had when Bobbo was chief. I guess that was the idea. I had become that pain in the ass and Newbie – God forbid – had become me...

I shook my head at the thought. I mean come on! Newbie as me? You have got to be kidding! The kid has barely any backbone. Yet, he had somehow managed to get things out of me. He would storm in the way I used to and demand anything no matter how many times I told him to get lost. But now there was no one doing that. Sure enough, Carla had come in and tried her best, but I found myself saying no to her so much easier. It struck me as odd since she was the one person – other than Jordan – who I could _ne-hever_ say no to. The tables had turned.

I kept my eyes firmly planted on the road, though my mind was starting to drift off into those memories I shared with the kid and the ones I hadn't. How that made sense I haven't a clue. Yep, everything had changed and possibly it could have been for the better. The kid had gotten practically what he wanted: my confession that he was my friend. Thankfully, only that sunshine intern had heard it which meant that if the twit went around bragging that hardly anyone would believe him. This had me starting to smile at his pouted face as he tried to explain how he wound up getting that hug. But dare I recall it.

I slowed the car down to the halt to stop at the umpteenth set of traffic lights. Honestly, did the God of cars have it in for me? Hugh Jackman was going to pay for this. Finally the lights turned green and I slammed my foot down on the accelerator, speeding off into the freeway. Not long now until I could go home and reside in the comfort of a scotch and decent hockey game where the Detroit Red Wings were sure to win, again.

I soon returned to an empty home since Jordan and the kids had gone to that devil of woman who so called herself Jordan's mother. Thank you restraining order! I sank down into the couch and grabbed the television remote. Ah yes, just what the doctor ordered: a prescription for hockey and... More hockey.

The night ended with Jordan calling me and giving me an earful about Lord knows what, because I had no intention of listening. I bid my two kids good night and hung up. I then began to drift back into my mind again. I still just couldn't let up about that missing person. I was still rather bothered about how this was his first job offer he had been given since he joined Sacred Heart and how he just blew right out of there just like that. No one just gets to spend eight years butting into my life and then just suddenly deciding to leave it on a whim. No one, I say no one, gets to do that, not even Jessica.

Sometimes I wondered if I had been different towards him, if I had given that pat on the back on his first day, that he would have stayed. Still in the end he knew and I'm pretty positive he knew throughout the whole time. His brother was right; he was smart kid. Air headed, but smart. Hell, he was a good doctor. I bet somewhere the kid is smiling just at the thought of me complimenting him.

The next morning, I got up and ready for work. It didn't take all that long and soon enough I was on the freeway to work. There was signs up everywhere about diversions and whatnot. I saw the wreckage of a few cars which indicated that there had been an accident the night before. Great, that just meant more work for me. Not that I was unhappy about treating people, but car crashes got so old after a while. That's why I loved the ICU, because you could find new and interesting cases all the time and if it was curable than that was all the better. Maybe that's why I became a doctor. Hell, I just wanted to help people since as a child I couldn't be helped.

I parked my car in the parking lot and strode into the hospital. For eight thirty in the morning, the place was buzzing. Then again there had been a big collision on the freeway, so what was I to expect? I saw weeping families and doctors trying to comfort kids. There was a man with his arm in a sling and a pregnant woman quickly losing blood, but she was getting helped by another doctor. Why did I go in through the emergency entrance?

I walked up to the locker room and pulled out my scrubs and lab coat, before putting them on. It was going to be one hell of a day. I stepped outside the locker room and my eyes quickly latched onto a frantic Gandhi rushing down the hall. I wondered if he was late for surgery or had missed a call from his wife – Newbie.

I made my way up into the ICU and just as had expected it was like a traumatized ward in World War Two. Doctors and nurses rushed from one side to the other, fighting against time to keep some people alive, while others did die. How many people had been in that car crash? A nurse walked up to me, looking just about ready to answer that question for me.

"The freeway had a mass collision last night as I'm sure you observed from driving here," the red head informed me.

"Yes, yes. Just get on with it," I growled.

"Well we have two truck drivers with serious injuries, four car drivers – two have massive head injuries, but the other two were quite lucky – we have one down in OR and there are two comatose patients. A few of the people died last night, unfortunately."

"Alright, well let's get to work!"

The red head sprung off, already trying to help a coding patient. I was about to step in but another doctor had it. I stormed over to the nurse's station and picked up a few charts. Two of them were the truck drivers and the other was one of the comatose patients. I had to feel sorry to any family these guys may have had, because no one wants there son/daughter/father/mother/cousin/everything-else-under-the-bloody-sun to through something so deadly and pathetic as a car crash, especially on the freeway.

I wandered over to the far away rooms. The blinds were down, making it impossible to see inside, but I knew it was one of the comatose patients. We usually closed the blinds just in case they woke up and the light was just a bitty too harsh for their precious eyes. But when I saw Carla coming out of there, looking a bit lost and distraught, I could sense something was wrong.

"Carla!" I called over to the Latina nurse.

She jumped with the call and turned her head around, leaning back in the doorway. Her brown eyes were wide and was she crying? I furrowed my brow and walked up to the window, looking Carla in the eyes.

"Are you okay?" I asked out of politeness, because this was Carla and if I wasn't nice she would bite my head off.

Before she had a chance to answer, Bobbo – _What the hell_ – walked out the room, hands deep in his pockets an a forlorn expression over his face. He glanced up at me, almost reluctantly.

"Perry..." he began, his voice sounding thick and compassionate.

Compassion? That was something that Bob Kelso barely or never did. It was never like him to take sympathy on other people, especially me. Though, like me, he had his moments.

"What is it there, Bobbo?" I asked, placing a smallish grin on my face to hide any worry I had, "Why all the long faces? Did some celeb just die? Was it Hugh Jackman?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but then quickly shut it into a firm line. A speechless Bobbo was never a good sign. He motioned for me to follow him and stepped back inside the doorway. Seriously, what the hell was going on? I followed in after him, that grin still firm on my face, but it was quickly taken away from the patient lying in the bed with a tube stuffed down his throat. Black, thick hair that was still somehow in it's bounce, white pale skin and the grin that was no longer there. It was Newbie. It was _my_ Newbie.

"Oh..." I whispered hoarsely.

On the other side of the bed was Gandhi and Barbie. Now I knew why Gandhi had been running so fast. He had just heard that his girlfriend was in a coma. That usually meant something bad for everyone. I planted my hands in my pockets and bowed my head over to look at the ground and also to hide my face somewhat. Newbie... It really was him, no one else. I could practically feel my heart beat in my throat.

You can easily distance yourself from patients and not get attached to them, but when it's someone you know or a friend or family, then it's always harder to help them, because your own personal feelings get in the way. And when you're a doctor, you feel it's your moral obligation to help them no matter what the costs are.

But here Newbie was, lying there lifeless with only just the small movement of his chest going up and down. And even there, it wasn't him breathing, it was the ventilator. _Oh God... Why are you so cruel?_


	2. His Defense

**Title: Our Long Journey**

**Summary: A week after J.D's leave, something terrible happens making Dr. Cox realize that he can't work without the kid.**

**Rating: T for minor swearing, quite a bit of angst too.**

**Pairings: J. father/son relationship. (I love the whole father/son thing :D)**

**Author's Note: You would not believe how hard this chapter was. I knew the ending to it but just getting there was so difficult. It kind got boring I think, so I'm not pleased with this chapter. When I originally wrote this chapter, Perry barely talked to anyone and it was more or less about his thoughts on the situation, but it hardly covered a two pages, so I scrapped the idea and went with this chapter. I really do appreciate the reviews. I didn't think I'd get such good feedback. Amen people.**

**-Seera**

_**His Defense**_

The room was silent a part from the faint sobs that came from Barbie. As I stared at the kid, I took in his new and slightly disturbing appearance. His skin was drained of the color, his hair wasn't completely flat, which was surprising since all he had been through, bruises littered his chest, wires from his arms connected to an IV and a blood bag and a tube had been wedged in between his lips. His once vibrant, sapphire eyes were closed, the long lashes that he owned dark against his white skin. I have never felt so terrible before, and believe me there has been times when I wished life would just go away, but this had to be the worst. My hands fidgeted within my lab coat pockets as I tried to find something to say to break this God awful silence. Of course, I resorted to the same narcissistic manner I always had in situations like this. I made it about me.

"God, Precious here is such a drama queen. Just 'cause she never got that perfect hug she wanted, doesn't mean she has to go and do this to herself. Just an attention seeking twerp," I scoffed, earning myself a small glare from Carla's side.

It was terrible, but everyone has their defenses, and that was mine. I gave out a snort and turned around before striding out the room. I wasn't going to stay where I could shoot myself in the mouth. I always opened my mouth without thinking. I suppose Newbie and I were like each other in that perspective – _and oh my God, did I just compare Newbie to me?_ _Get a grip of yourself, Perry!_

"Dr. Cox! Dr. Cox!" it was Gandhi, that God awful girlfriend of Newbie's.

A groan passed my lips and I turned around to face Turtlehead. A flick of the nose and the crossing of my arms, I was ready to face whatever sheepish request he had.

"What is there, Gandhi?" I asked, trying not to let myself look too worried about the fact that I had just seen Newbie in state of immobilization.

"Dr. Cox, J.D had requested that you'd be his doctor, so... Would you treat him, please? He trusts you the best," Gandhi fiddled with his fingers, barely making eye contact.

Newbie wanted me to be his doctor? When the hell had he requested this and why hadn't I been informed sooner? Still, there was no reason to get angry. I just had to keep my cool.

"And pray when did Sally tell you this?" I questioned him, keeping that sarcasm thick in my voice.

"It's on some form that you if anything ever happened. I thought it was pointless for him to fill it but... Guess not. Anyway, it's not like you wouldn't treat him anyway. I know you, man. You'd do anything to help J.D," Gandhi gave me a perfect explanation and he was right.

Whatever doctor that had been currently taking care of him would be shoved off by me, because I didn't trust anyone else to look after him. And when he needed surgery, 'cause he'd have to be pretty darn lucky not to, I would trust Gandhi not to screw it up, because even though I'd never say it – _you say that all the __time Perry, shut up!_ - he was a good surgeon. C'mon, I trusted him with those stitches in Jack's head, that has got to mean something!

Suddenly, I realized that I had lost myself in my thoughts again and Turtlehead was waiting for a reply. He stilled fiddled with his hands, looking at me expectantly.

"Since you _and_ Princess requested my services, I'll consider treating Holly, but I can't make any promises," I did my best cover up my slight glee that Newbie had chosen me.

Boy, did he know how to feed my ego fuel. Gandhi scoffed at me and then walked off in the direction he had came from. Obviously, he was going back to see Jessica. I pivoted on my toe and continued on to stride out the ICU. I needed to break something.

All afternoon and well into the late evening, Barbie, Gandhi and Carla took it in turns to watch over Newbie, leaving me no time at all alone with him. Then, what would I do? I had remembered Newbie talking about how people in comas hearing people whilst they were talking, but I didn't believe in that rubbish. Still, being with him some how comforted the idea of him leaving us for good. If I was by his side then he wasn't allowed to die at all. Of course, that was just plain stupid, but I was willing to believe that.

Finally, the clock turned midnight, exactly a full twenty-fours since Newbie had arrived, or so I had been informed. I had called Jordan earlier and explained why I wouldn't be home. And for once the she-devil understood my problem, but I had to make a small bargain with her. Carla and Barbie had finally gone home, though Gandhi was still glued to the seat beside Newbie's bed.

I stood at the window of Newbie's room, watching Gandhi pray for his girlfriend's life. He held tight onto that gold chain he had hung around his neck with the cross symbol on it. I wasn't big on religion, but if it was going to give anyone hope, then I was all for it. My ears caught onto Gandhi's mutterings to God.

"Dear God," he began.

_Ha! Sounds like he's writing a letter to the G-man._ I scoffed at my thoughts.

"Please save J.D. He may be lost in his own fantasies and try to muddle into other people's lives, but he only tries to help. He only wants the best for Sam. And c'mon, his little kid needs a dad. So please, just- Just help him. I'll never ask for anything else if he just wakes up," Gandhi continued on his plea to God.

I turned around to the empty, dark corridor of the ICU. I glanced around at all the patients. I was responsible for these people, all of them. But I felt far more responsible for Newbie. Maybe- Maybe if things had been different this would have never had happened? That was stupid and I knew it, but I couldn't help the feeling of guilt that was bubbling underneath the surface. It was almost as bad as my anger which too short for anyone's good.

"Dr. Cox?" I blinked at the wary, quiet voice behind me that made had me inwardly wince at the sound of my own name.

"What is it there, Gandhi?" I asked, folding my arms as I turned towards the scalpel jock.

"I was just wondering... If you were gonna talk to him. 'Cause if you are I'll go. I know..."

He trailed off, but I knew where he was going with this. I had never seen Gandhi, the dancing ray of sunshine, look so broken before. I had never seen him so torn up. Sure, he got a little depressed when things went wrong and when a close patient died, but we all did. But here, it was like staring at a kicked puppy and I didn't know how much longer I could keep up this damn sarcasm that was getting me through this.

We all have these ways of helping us. Some have religion, others lean on there friends. For me, I had my sarcastic way of addressing any situation and the good old ego to help with a boost. If in doubt, compliment yourself, which does sound selfish, but it was a support system I had.

"Get outta here, Gandhi. You ain't doing anyone any favors. If Gloria here wakes I'll page ya," my voice going that extra length to get the words out.

With a nod, he walked past me, his shoulder brushing mine on the way out. _Talk to Newbie, huh?_ Pah! I wasn't going to go in with that whole 'I'm-talking-to-a-coma-patient-because-I-think-they'll-wake-up-crap'. The idea was morally stupid in my head. But... Anything was worth a try.

Glancing around to see if Gandhi had properly gone, I walked into Newbie's room and shut the door. I stood there for a moment, staring at his lifeless body. His hair was completely flat by now. Damn was the kid gonna be annoyed at that. I let a small chuckle slide past my lips out with my breathe and pulled the chair over to the end of the bed. I sank down into the plastic excuse for a chair – seriously, how did visitors cope with this? - and propped my feet up onto the mattress beside Newbie's feet. _Was that the cheesy small? Thought something stank._

"How's that coma going for ya?" I asked, forgetting my head for a moment.

_You idiot! He can't hear you so it's not going to matter what you say. Just- Just be nice to him for once in your life, Perry!_ My conscience had the decency to yell at me. And for some odd reason it was beginning to sound like Newbie. Yeah, guilt had really set in now.

"Well Teresa, I gotta say you've put everybody through the works," I let out a small chuckle, trying to get myself back into the old rhythm.

I arched my arms up behind my head and clasped my hands at the top of my neck, my fingers winding through my curls. I took a small breathe before speaking again. I couldn't believe who fearful I was being. Jordan would definitely have called me a girl if she found out about it.

"Oh come on, Newbie. Stop this childish act and just wake the hell up. You know how important the first twenty-four hours are and that's past. There's barely any hope you'll come out of it, but I know you will. You can, 'cause you're a pain in the ass you'll never e-_he-hever_ leave me alone," I ranted on, leaning forward in the chair once I had dropped my feet down from the bed.

I gazed at the kid for a moment or two. I felt so responsible for what happened. Why? I hadn't spoken to him in over a week.

"See ya in the morning, Newbie..." I whispered, giving a out a sigh.

I propped my feet back up and wrapped my lab coat tighter around my body. It wasn't the best situation, but I didn't want to leave him, not in that vulnerable state. I took one last long glance at the paled kid in front of me. He would always be a kid in my eyes, no matter how old he got. I'd be a hundred years old while he was eight-five and I'd still see him as that cheesy grinning kid with the black bangs. _Yeah... Just hold on there Newbie. We'll get you out... I promise to get you out... Just... Hold... On..._ With those last thoughts, my head lolled onto my left shoulder and the uncontrollable sleep filled within me.

"_Dr. Cox! Dr. Cox! Perry!" Newbie's rang throughout my head._

_I glanced around the empty hospital, frantic to find the air headed boy. I paced out of the ICU, following the echo of Newbie's voice._

"_Dr. Cox! Help me! Please, help me!" he continued to shout, his vocals getting louder and louder as I strode down the corridor. _

_I passed the nurse's station, giving it a small glance. Nope, no Newbie there. I pressed the button on the elevator, only to find that it was out of action. _Damn it!_ I threw my fist into the metal of the lift's door and snarled at the sharp pain that it inflicted throughout my knuckles. _

"_Perry!" his voice rang out again, and I could almost hear the sobs behind it._

_It was cracking, desperate to hold onto anything. To hold onto anyone who would help him stay; stay alive, stay awake, stay smiling._

"_Newbie!" I cried out, not realizing I had said anything until the words vibrated around me like a constant buzzing. _

_I dashed the corridor, my feet thundering along like some cheesy love-fest movie. My lab coat flapped along behind me, whacking against anything that was in its path like trollies and crash carts, possibly a gurney that Nervous Guy had left._

"_It hurts! God, it hurts, Dr. Cox!" his painful voice whimpered out._

"_I'm coming, Glenda!" I yelled, "Just wait... Just... Hold... On..."_

I suddenly jerked awake at the thud of my backside hitting the ground. I lay on my back for a while, staring up at the ceiling. _That dream... Why...?_ I snorted at my pathetic, whining thoughts. It was just a stupid dream that had just been a part of my subconscious thoughts and feelings. All of a sudden, I heard a groan, but it hadn't come from my body. At first, I just thought it was my mind playing tricks on me. I had had just a strange and rather rough dream. But it came again. I propped myself up onto my elbows and veered my head to look over my shoulder. The door was shut and no one stood there at all. _Hmm, where the ha-ell did that noise come from?_ And for the third time, only this time louder, it came again and from the bed. I leaped up onto my feet only for my eyes to set upon those big, blue, doe eyes. He was trying to breathe with the ventilator which was a problem. The fear grew within his eyes as he stared at me and obviously he was disorientated.

"Okay, when you cough I'll pull the tube out. Understand?" I asked, trying to sound a little softer.

Newbie gave me a firm nod and started to cough. I slid the tube out, away from his mouth and switched the machine off. I felt like I owed God some thanks, even if I didn't believe in him. Newbie was back, better than ever and now waiting to go. Yep, there was nothing to stop us now.

"Who are you?"

_Oh God..._


	3. His Greatest Fears

**Title: Our Long Journey**

**Summary: A week after J.D's leave, something terrible happens making Dr. Cox realize that he can't work without the kid.**

**Rating: T for minor swearing, quite a bit of angst too.**

**Pairings: J. father/son relationship. (I love the whole father/son thing :D)**

**Disclaimer: I forgot to do this twice already! Which sucks! But anyway, just so you know, I don't own Scrubs. If I did, the show would have never had a Season 9 and Dr. Cox would have hugged J.D properly on Episode 3 of Season 1. **

**Author's Note: Aha! The next installment of our story is here. I'm actually loving the feedback from you guys. And yes, I do love my cliffhangers, but this chapter doesn't have one. We've got to stop at some point. Please enjoy :3 And if you really feel generous, I'll accept a cyber hug! **

**Quote of the day: **_A little water never hurt anyone. Besides, people are always telling me that I'm dripping with good looks. ~ Tamaki Suoh _

_**His Greatest Fears**_

"_Who are you?"_

Those words echoes around my head for a long time and I will never forget them, I never have. I took a double take at the man lying in the bed in front of me. Yeah, it was definitely Newbie. The brunette blinked at me, that old smile now on his face. What was I supposed to say? What would I tell him? Would I tell him that I was is friend? No, that's stupid, I'd never tell him that of my own will. Would I tell him that I'm his mentor? _I hate that word – mentor._ No, I wouldn't tell him that either.

Even though I knew what to do as a doctor, I couldn't think what to do as a person. It was like someone had finally pulled the dusty, cobweb infested switch, shutting down my doctor instincts. No one, not even Jordan or Jennifer-Dylan, had ever done that to me. But finally I managed to snap out of whatever trance I shrunk back into whilst staring at the kid.

"I'm your doctor," I answered him the best unemotional tone I could muster.

But how could he forget? If he'd forgotten me, then he'll have forgotten Barbie, Carla, Gandhi, hell he'll have forgotten his own son. And Gandhi was right, that small kid needed a dad but not one who had forgotten all the trouble that kid put him through.

"Cool," Newbie nodded, a smile curling at the corners of his mouth.

Just how could he forget _me_? I know it's selfish and stupid since I always wished that he would forget me at points when he was being a complete pain in the ass. But it was like a few years back, my shrink had told me to keep him close and I already thought I had lost him to that stupid doctor with the funny name – Dr. Mantoots. Now, it seemed like I may have lost him altogether.

"Where is this?" he asked another question.

How could he forget the place where he spent eight years becoming the doctor he is today? This place was so full of memories of his stupid antics and most trying times. We all had our ups and downs, but that's what made this hellhole so bearable. Coming in day in and day out. It got old sometimes, but with those memories we had – hell I'll say it – it was one of the best parts of my life. And here now it was going to be taken away from me.

"Sacred Heart Hospital," I replied.

"What happened to me?" he asked yet another question.

Just like Newbie, always going on and on about whatever it was that bothered him, not caring at all if I was listening or not, but sure as hell I was listening now.

"First of all, can you tell me your name?" I asked, skipping over his question.

The kid tilted his head up as if he was about to go into a daydream, but this was different. He was trying to think of his name. _No... This... This can't be happening!_

"Joe...?" he furrowed his brow, knowing it wasn't right, "No, that's not it. James? Nope. It begins with a J, I know it does."

He tapped his index finger on his lips, making a queer expression with his eyebrows as he tried to think of his name. _Oh God..._ What hope was there for him if he couldn't remember his name? As a doctor, I know that there's little hope for the memories to return if he doesn't even recognize his own name. `

"John... My name's John Dorian," he smiled in triumph.

It had taken him well over five minutes to figure that out, so what was the probability of him finding other memories? Ones that were deep, ones that were stupid, ones that were emotionally disturbing...? As a doctor, the chances were slim, but I was going to have to call in an expect. Psychologists worked best, though I dreaded calling in our recent one. Unfortunately for me, that psychologist that had believed that we all had soft centers was back and right now she was the only one I could call.

"I'm going to get specialist on the mind to take a better look at that amnesia, but you just concentrate on getting better," I answered eventually as calmly as I could.

"Thanks, doctor... Uh... Sorry, what's your name?" the doe eyed man gazed up at me.

He really had forgotten me and it hurt. A feeling in my stomach that twisting tighter and tighter until I was going to explode with rage, or perhaps tears. I couldn't really tell. Emotion wasn't something I experienced a lot, but when I did, it hit me hard.

"Dr. Cox," I spoke barely above a whisper.

"Thanks, Dr. Cox," he replied, grinning just like used to do.

I strode out of the room into the busy morning that was the ICU. No one had seemed to have realized what had just happened. No one seemed to realize that I was on the verge of a malfunction if I didn't get those Newbie memories back. No one, not even Carla, was paying one bit of attention that room. How dare they.

"How's he doing, Dr. Cox?" I blinked and looked down at the Latina nurse in front of me, now clear of all her tears.

"He's awake, but..." I trailed off.

"But?"

Carla looked like she was getting impatient. Her eyes had lit up so much when I had told her Newbie was awake, but then came the 'but' and it all faded again. I hated seeing her like this; distraught and full of so much worry. She placed her hand on her hip and pushed out her lips in that 'Carla-from-the-block' pose she always used.

"He's got amnesia," I finally spat out.

"Oh..." her voice was drawn of any sympathy of any emotion at all, but then how was a person supposed to react to that sort of news?

It's not something we can just deal with and get over it. The news takes time to set in and then we truly react. I was still stunned by the fact that Shirley had forgotten me.

Before I knew it, Carla had rushed past me and had ran into Newbie's room. I didn't want to stay around for all the grief that was going to follow. It wasn't my style to get emotional over petty things.

_You call this petty, Perry? You do realize his memories are dead!_

I narrowed my eyes at the tone of my conscience and passed over it. I wasn't going to get into an argument with myself, but I know who would win. And it certainly wouldn't be me.

After making a call to Miss. Ray-of-Sunshine and the neurologist, I went into the doctor's lounge for a long awaited rest. I had asked to paged when the two doctors showed up at Newbie's room, so I could be well informed of what was going to happen. Whether his amnesia was permanent or not. A part of me had been happy that he'd forgotten his whims and pleas against me. It would mean he wouldn't try them again and I could actually not get so pissed at the kid, but the other half wanted those memories back. I knew there was no denying to myself that I cared. Of course, I cared, but there's no reason to let the whole world know.

I lay back on the sofa and arched my arms behind my head, resting my skull down on those muscles of mine. Which did feel good, even if I do say so myself. My eyes stared up at the ceiling as my mind tried to think of something else other than the fact that Rhonda had forgotten me. But alas, my mind just kept on going back to that same spot, those same words.

"_Who are you?"_

I mean come on? Who can forget someone who had constantly belittled them for eight years running just like that? I knew damn well I planted myself in his head, and I didn't feel like get thrown out any time soon. The whole situation just frustrated me. I was even beginning to feel for Glenda's gal pals. I was just a small part of his brain, but Gandhi had the largest chunk there was. He must have felt terrible...

I closed my eyes and sighed. I needed some sleep to say the least. I had been running off of coffee for God knows how long. With two kids and a banshee ex-wife, sleep doesn't come easy and the fact that I spend half my life in a dump of a hospital, well that just adds to it. And of course, that other kid with a J at the beginning of his name. That same J that wanted my constant attention and wisdom. It got me frustrated.

I slam the side of my foot into the cushion of the couch, feeling no whatsoever. I wanted to feel pain, because knowing I could feel pain meant that I hadn't gone completely numb inside. I wanted to trash something so badly and I had even thought about going into the lab. It was a possibility, but the new lab owner didn't understand what I was like, so I just had to think of a different way to relieve my anger. You see, that was another thing Newbie was good for. I could shout and rant and... Shout as much as I wanted at him and he would almost bulletproof from the words. He never took them to the heart like some people did and almost committed suicide because of it – that was a bad incident, but the police never traced it back to my rant. And he would always find some base line message within them saying something good and endearing. Really, they did just come off the top of my head, but as long as he took it the right way then I was fine with it.

I sat up properly on the cushion of the sofa and leaned forward, pressing my elbows down on my knees. I could barely stand the waiting game. I could have gone and seen some patients, but that's what scared me. If I saw some patients with some the same things Newbie had or could have gotten, then I would just fear his problem far more. It's hard to explain, but I guess a patient with the same symptoms as him was like a reminder of what was there, what was waiting for me. I went back to my original thought of trashing the lab again, but-

"Ah, screw it!" I growled, charging up into a standing position.

I stormed off down the corridor, passing the Janitor as I did. He didn't look very happy from what I could see. Maybe he liked the kid too, but constantly played tricks on him to cover up on the caring. Quite like the idea I had, except I just said to everyone I didn't care.

I soon reached the door of the laboratory and shoved the door open. Luckily, there was no one inside. I was already beginning to feel a bit better. I looked around for my first inanimate victim and then set my eyes on the old computer. Really, it just gave me an excuse to buy a newer and better computer. The lab tech would thank me in the end. I grabbed the monitor and purposely let it slip from my hands, hearing the crashing and shattering as it hit the ground. That sound was like music to my ears of the note buzzing about my head like bees. _What a strange thought! Kid's rubbing off on me and his damn daydreaming!_ I then swiped my arm along the table of glass beakers and other trash that was used for experiments. They all skimmed across the table, crashing against each other and crumbling into small shards as they hit the ground. _Could this music get any better? _I picked up the stool, starting to remember when Newbie first witnessed my little tantrum during his internship. Heading towards the window, I got ready to throw the piece of plastic and metal through the glass, but for some reason I turned my head towards the door expectantly. I don't know what I was waiting for... That's a lie; I knew exactly why I was waiting.

"_MISTAAAAAAKE!" the opera singer sang, throwing the door open._

_He grabbed the chair out of my hands and placed it back on the ground. Afterward, he waved his index finger at me, silently scolding me for what I had done._

No, no, no, no, no, NO! I was not expecting that damned opera singer that Newbie had thought up and how come I knew about that? Seriously, I think I would have remembered if he had told me about a 'mistaaaaaake' singing fat man. No, what I was waiting for was Newbie, helping me out in my time of need. Oh, God that sounds so cheesy! I just wanted him there to help me out of this hole I was getting myself into, but then it dawned me. It was because of him that I was in this state already.

The adrenaline had diminished by the time I was ready to throw the chair through the chair through the window and I thought better of it. There was no Newbie to come and stop me, though for the life of me I probably would have punched him. I let out a snort of air through my nose and gingerly placed the stool back down on the ground where it belonged.

Finally, the psychologist and the neurologist had made their way to Newbie's room and I was paged to meet them. But I was glad to have finally gotten some of the unleashed out of my bloodstream. It meant that I could be a lot calmer around Newbie. He would never know.

"So I heard you trashed the lab," Miss. Ray-of-Sunshine, Molly Clock grinned, standing at the foot of Fiona's bed.

"Why did you wreck a lab?" Newbie asked, glancing up at me with a confused expression and naivety in his blue eyes.

_Thank you woman who believe that everyone is a chocolate and has a soft center, you have just made me look like a complete idiot in front of my patient. _I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose before answering with the simplest answer.

"Stress."

Janice shrugged with a simple, "Okay," and then turned his attention back to the neurologist.

He had been going through a number of questions on the kid and I could see him straining himself mentally, trying to wrack his brain of the answers.

Once they were finished, we stepped outside the room for a moment. Here it was the answer to my deepest fear and a small 'but' signifying that something awful had or was going to happen.

"I can't see why he won't regain his memory. I believe it's all there, just locked away at the back his mind. He may dream or experience some memories over and over in his during his subconscious state. All I say is that Dr. Clock here is to work with him and that you may answer any of his questions straight. Of course, don't push him to remember. He's overworked as it was in there and I could see that," the neurologist explained, 'Dr. Clock' nodding a along with him," Well, I'm going home. My wife is crazy hormonal right now and I'm gonna take advantage of that. See ya bitches!"

He dashed off out the door of the ICU with a big grin plastered over his face. I mentally shook my head and rolled my eyes. How in the ha-_ell_ could he even possibly just brush off a conversation like that? The man was a genius.

"I like him," I pointed out, grinning all the while.

"You know being a psychologist, I know why you trashed that lab. You're scared and you got angry. And everybody knows you take your anger out on Johnny, but he's not around you've got nothing. But the irony is that he's causing you fear. I told you. You're just a big soft," she smiled, prodding my stomach with her finger, before walking off down the corridor.

"I hate her."

I turned back into Newbie's room and parked myself down in the seat beside his bed. He had been flicking through the channels on the TV, but nothing seemed to grab his fancy, not even the Gilmore Girls. I found that surprisingly odd. Still, who was I to complain. That show was a pain in the ass. Eventually, the kid gave up on the TV and switched the damn noise maker off. Of course, all attention was now upon me.

"Hey, Dr. Cox... Do you think I'll get my memory back?" he asked earnestly.

I really didn't know. It was up to the real Newbie inside his mind to break through the mind barriers and find his way back. But with the kid's willpower, maybe that chance was a lot stronger than it would be normally.

"Yeah, I think you'll get your memory back. I damn well sure hope so otherwise I'll be classed as a bad doctor and really, that's just so _nawt_ me. You see, I'm a good doctor, not a patient killer," I grinned, showing off my white teeth.

_Yep, that's right, look at them and suck it! You can't pearly whites like these anywhere! _So maybe everything was beginning to look up. Newbie had awoken from his coma and had already remembered some key information. His name, his age, his birthday, the year, the place where he worked and his mother's name. So perhaps everything would get better on from here. Yeah? No, I don't think so. If it's anything about this hospital, it makes you expect things to take a dip when they're at their highest and now was no exception. It didn't matter if the patient was three or a hundred and three. You always had to look out, because you never know what will strike next and it may very well be your most greatest fear.


	4. His Superhero

**Title: Our Long Journey**

**Summary: A week after J.D's leave, something terrible happens making Dr. Cox realize that he can't work without the kid.**

**Rating: T for minor swearing.**

**Pairings: Jdox father/son**

**Disclaimer: Scrubs is property of Bill Lawrence. I own nowt. **

**Author's Note: Yes, I haven't died. I disappeared for two weeks to holidays and then I returned to hell that is senior year with too much homework. On top of that, I kind of just ditched Fanfiction because I was too busy watching Naruto. (Finished the whole first season in summer) Anyway, I am sorry and feel free to cyberly torture me in any way you feel.**

**I hope you like the latest chapter. I was struggling just a little about what to write about and then suddenly, it clicked. Enjoy! :) **

_**His Superhero**_

Newbie's wounds were healing up just fine and it looked like he was going to be getting out of this damned place pretty soon. Of course, he was going to be in a cast for a while and he sure as hell wasn't going to return to work, especially since he didn't even know where that was. Over the course of the few weeks that had passed, I managed to calm myself down until I felt normal around him again. He asked the odd question and I would answer as truthfully as I could. A couple of days ago, he remembered when he first met Gandhi, which resulted in them in sharing that girly, hugging moment. I guess I was going to get my Newbie back, even if he wasn't going to work with me any longer.

"Dr. Cox. Hello, Dr. Cox!" Charlotte's voice grabbed my attention as I looked over his chart.

Yep, everything looked good.

"Yes, m'lady?" I spoke, sarcasm etched in every word.

But you have to be careful and enjoy the goodness while you can, because sure enough something will come along when you least expect it and throw you flat on your ass.

"I had a dream last night. One with me and you," Newbie grinned, looking pleased with himself.

"Well princess, spit it out. I don't have all day. It could well be a memory and though I've tried to forget e-_he-he-very _moment we had together, I'm sure I may recall one fantastic rant as it may be," I was glad that I could root back to my old ways.

Carla had explained to him that it was just something I did and that he actually enjoyed it – not that I knew. Therefore, she allowed me to throw him the occasional rant as long as it didn't put down his self esteem too much.

"You and I sitting on a sofa in some dark apartment and you're wrapped up in this blanket, drowning yourself in alcohol 'cause of something that had happened," his voice turned so melancholic so quickly that it caught me off guard for just a second, "Everyone else had tried to talk sense into you, but you wouldn't listen and then when I finally came... You talked."

He glanced up at me, his eyes wide with sadness, staring straight into my own eyes. What a memory to have regained first about me, but it couldn't be helped. I really wondered why it was Janet I listened to a few years back. I guess I really did see myself as _his _superhero. His words were very different back them. It was as if he knew exactly how to approach the situation, because sure as I didn't have a clue how to help myself. I thought the best solution was to drown myself in alcohol and rejoin those people I had subconsciously killed. It was a horrible memory that would never leave me, but not like the kid's comatose state. That scared the ha-_ell_ out of me. Still, there was no point on reflecting on the bad parts of the past. The fact was that Newbie was up and awake, staring at me with those doe eyes. I began to realize why Carla called him Bambi. He was like a Bambi.

"Finally you're getting somewhere, Johnny," I sniggered, continuing my writing on the chart – not that it was his.

"I never knew you thought of me so well," the kid giggled, grinning his head off like a little boy again.

"I don't think of you so highly. Ew."

"Watch out, Bambi. He can't admit that your his friend," Carla butted in, bringing in something to drink for Newbie.

"Yeah. He was a pain in the ass in that dream too," Newbie remarked, making a small, girlish giggle.

I made a growl of warning and left the room without a word. Damn kid getting on my nerves every time I entered that room. _Calm down, Perry. You'd want it back if he was dead. But he's not dead, so you're okay. _I told myself mentally.

I wandered off into the doctor's lounge and collapsed onto the couch. Coffee. I needed coffee.

"Can't you just admit it to yourself, if no one else, that you're grateful that Johnny's alive?" an upbeat voice popped up behind me.

"Why are here? Why are you... Everywhere? Do you have to follow me about all day long?" I growled.

"Scared that I might just fill the place of someone else? Dr. Cox, I don't understand why you have to keep it bottled up, but one day you'll have to say something, because he'll leave forever and abandon you. Once he regains his memory, he's not coming back here, but going to a new life somewhere. Now, I know you sort of told him that he is your friend, but do you really think that's enough for him. You're too chicken to tell it straight to his face."

And with that, the blonde walked off, leaving me to just stare at the door. The scary thing was she was right. I knew that he wouldn't come back to work with me. I wanted him to get better, but I also wanted him to stay. _I'm a selfish fool,_ I scoffed. I sighed and poured myself coffee, the thoughts of Carol leaving all over again in the back of my mind. I guess they never really left.

I was glad to get home that night. I was glad to have the reserve of scotch and a good game that I had recorded from earlier. It was the fourth quarter and it didn't look good from either offense or defense. It wasn't like I was actually watching the damned thing, since Jordan came in every two seconds asking me about outfits to wear to some party she was going to. But that wasn't the only thing that was occupying me, distracting my attention from the game. It was him, that girl of a man that wandered about with a goofy grin. He was the only one out of those interns eight years ago that still needed me. The new ones were never up to much anyway. It felt like Newbie's band of interns was the last best the hospital had seen.

"Perry, stop torturing yourself," Jordan warned me, standing in front of me with yet another outfit, "I can see the gears in your head moving. I know what you're thinking about."

"The idea of cottage cheese come up?" I asked in a low, but sarcastic manner.

The witch sighed, before she sat herself down beside me. Her arms wrapped around my body cuddling up to me. She crossed one leg over the other and gave me that sad like smile.

"I know you're worried about losing Sally again, but it was going to happen at some point. I'm surprised it wasn't sooner," she snickered.

"Jordan," I gave off a small growl, narrowing down my eyes.

"What I'm trying to say is that if you really care – which I know you do – then you've got to let him know everything you feel before he goes forever. Sure, we'll see him at family celebrations. The Stick and I have organized something for Thanksgiving, but other than that Perry..."

"What makes you think that I need to tell Newbie anything?"

"This is so typical of you. You're too afraid to let anything go. You don't mind saying anything to complete strangers, but when it comes to your best friend, you say nothing."

I furrowed my brow at the brunette, banshee of an ex-wife I had. She was right, though, she always was. And as for Carol being my best friend, she came pretty darn close there too. I did regard him as a friend and he knew that, but just what was there to tell? She honestly didn't mean to regard him as some sort of son, did she? That's just stepping too far out there and would make me a granddad already! I'm too young and buff to be the old guy sitting in the chair half asleep with drool so long hanging from his mouth that he could actually have a competition with the dog. I don't want to be that guy in the first place!

With a sigh, I turned my head to the television, trying to concentrate on the game and forget that vulgar woman ever said anything. She was still staring at me intently, her eyes boring into the side of my skull like she had x-ray vision that could melt my brain into a clump of goo. Finally, the witch gave up and went back to trying on another thousand or so outfits for that damn party. It must have started before she got there – possibly it may have finished.

The next day, I was surprised to go into Newbie's room and find the bed empty, folded and pressed, ready for a new occupant. I creased my brown, bewildered. I let out an exhausted puff of air and turned to the nurse's station. There, the pink clothed nurse with Latina heritage stood, waiting with a small grin on her face like she knew what I was about to ask.

"He got released," she answered my silent question.

"Who the hell authorized it?" I growled.

It was at that moment that the said culprit walked around the corner. I say walked, but he more danced and slid along the floor, trying to be Michael Jackson. I shook my head, beaming a glare at the surgeon that was singing to himself. He hopped up onto the counter and gave Carla a giant kiss, before giving me a once over.

"Hey. Baby, is he all uptight 'cause J.D got released already?" Gandhi asked, still staring at me.

A swipe of the nose, I folded my arms and bared my teeth at the bald headed surgeon. Just because he was the surgeon for Newbie gave him no right to authorize his release without consulting me. But that was how we played. We were always competing, even where Newbie was concerned.

"Aw, I love how you two are fighting over J.D like this," Carla giggled, giving Gandhi a chaste kiss, "You two are hilarious when you do this."

The Latina nurse walked off to deal with some files. I stepped up to Gandhi, who had hopped down from the counter and was facing me with the same intensity I was throwing right back at him.

"Just why in the hee-_ell_ did you release him? He is in no fit state to leave just yet?" I barked quietly, my voice roaring in my throat.

"Look, my V-bear needs to be in a place with more familiarity, with his friends. This place isn't exactly the best place to bring memories, they'll just trigger all the bad stuff," Baldy grumbled back, defensively.

I narrowed my eyes, getting all up, close and personal in Gandhi's face. He'd done it, he'd crossed the line. I was Sally Sunshine's primary physician, which meant everything went through me – no one else!

"Go to hell," I told him, pivoting on my heel and paced off down the corridor.

"You were only keeping him here so you didn't have to be reminded!" the scalpel jock shouted down the hall.

I frantically turned the corner, my hands trembling with the rage boiling up in my chest. But not only that, there was other feeling that I couldn't quite describe. I felt scared and panicked at the same time; over what I had no idea. I glanced up at that moment, seeing the other ray of sunshine walking by with the same skip in her step.

"Friends, you've just gotta have friends~" she sang, her eyes flickering over to mine so quickly that it was just a mere blur, before going back to the route she was taking.

My eyes followed the wavy haired blonde. _What in the ha-_ell_ is going on today?_ I asked myself inwardly. I simply shrugged, losing the anger I had gained in an instant and carried on down the corridor towards the elevator.

I waited casually for the the lift to bring its sorry ass up to the floor so I could get moving. A shadow took its place by my side, leaning over on the mop. He looked half out of it and half exhausted that he couldn't move another step. What reason would a janitor have for being so worn out that he made me look energetic? He gave me a sideways glance, his expression never changing.

"How's Scooter?" he asked, his speech slightly slurred.

I turned my head to the tall janitor, watching his drunk stupor. This wasn't the first time I had seen him drunk in the hospital. I doubt the cleaning stuff he carried with him was actual ammonia, but in fact the sneaky little bit of vodka and some scotch too; well, by the smell of it. Turning back to watch the ever so moving elevator that was given me this tiresome conversation, I rolled my shoulders forward.

"Yeah, he's getting better. He's remembered some stuff. Gandhi released him, though, so now I gotta get him appointments to see the psychologist and all that crap. Why the ask?" I questioned him, giving him the same sideways glance he had given me.

He shrugged and took his chin off the top of the mop, "No reason. Just wondering when I can torture him again."

"You do realize he's not coming back here to work. You won't see him again."

I don't know if it was just me, but I thought I saw a hint of sadness in his eyes, even through the drunkenness. Perhaps he regarded Newbie as a friend to, someone he could have a laugh with – though it really was the creepy Janitor who did the laughing, but nevertheless, there were a few of those odd times. We all shared those odd times with Newbie, one way or another. It was weird how everything was fine without him in the beginning, but once he had made his place, leaving meant a space that could never be filled.

Thankfully, the elevator opened up, revealing half a dozen people, letting me leave the conversation that was turning rather awkward. I practically ran into the bundle of people, escaping the clutches of the Janitor. As the doors closed over, I saw Lurch drag himself away, looking a bit too unhappy for my liking. A lot of people were going to have to go through this transition all over again. Poor people. _It's not like you don't have to go through it too,_ my conscience spoke up. And there begun the mental battle between what I wanted to deny and what I wanted to believe.

It was funny to find myself standing in front of that door that during his first year I hauled him out to a bar at two o'clock in the morning, wearing that thing he called a...onsie? The outfit gave me shudders to say the least. I would never understand why a grown man would wear such a thing.

My fist thundered on the door before I even had an idea what I was going to say. I was just glad all of Newbie's gal pals were at work so I didn't have to explain my reasons for appearing at his door so late on. I'm quite certain they would have known, though.

"Come in!" the girlish voice called out from somewhere behind the door.

With a shrug, I turned the knob and walked into the mess of a living room. Blankets and rubbish lay everywhere, with some pieces if clothing scattered about. I did have a wonder of who owned the Superman underwear. Either Gandhi or Sheila, no doubt. There, resting on the couch with his cast leg up on the cushions, sat Newbie. He held that goofy grin over his face, his eyes alight watching whatever ridiclous comedy was on TV. Something told me it was the Gilmore Girls. I had watched it once in the doctor's lounge when Sarah and Baldy were on a twelve hour long 'Gilmore Marathon' so they called it, watching each episode they could within their breaks. I couldn't get to the television that day, since almost everyone was joining in – even Carla.

"Hey, Dr. Cox," his vibrant voice greeted me, finally tearing his glued eyeballs away from the screen.

"You'll get square eyes if you watch too much of that," I warned him.

"Really?"

The look on his face was priceless. He actually thought that his eyes were going to go square. I let of a small chuckle and shook my head.

"No, kid. I was just fooling with ya."

I sat on the arm of the sofa, my eyes trying to find a better place to sit, but the chairs were both filled with boxes and stuff.

"They letting you become part of the trash?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Nah, all this mess was me. Turk and Carla are letting me stay here until I get my memory back, so I brought a few things for mine and Elliot's and tried to unpack them, Buuuut, it didn't go so well. I kind of tripped as well," he giggled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I see. Any luck with the old noggin'?"

The younger doctor shook his head, much to my disappointment. _What in the hell are you doing here, Perry? _My conscience asked. _I know better than anyone that you're not just here to check up on the kid. You're making sure you get as much time with him as possible before he goes again!_ I inwardly winced at my own mind's harsh tone. I bit down on my bottom lip, frowning at the floor. The brunette beside me had gone back to laughing his head off at the TV again. That was good. It'd keep his mind off of talking to me for that moment.

"Um... Dr. Cox...? I... I was wondering about something...from my dream about you..." Newbie started, a small trace of a blush over his features.

Memory or no memory, the idiot still acted in the same way.

"Well spit it out, Harriet. I do have two whining kids and a harpy wife to get back to," I growled, my voice etched in a little bit too much sarcasm than I would have liked.

I saw the shoulders flinch. I was going back to my old ways a little too quickly for the kid. It was hard to stop at the best of times, though.

"Uh... You see I say you're my superhero, but I don't get it. How are you my superhero?" he asked, his voice a little more clearer this time.

He furrowed his brow, concentrating hard on me. I gazed at the man-child, wondering how to answer his question. I was his superhero because I got him out of the hard situations; helping him in way that a father would. Disregard the father part, it's disgusting. How could I explain it to him without giving the idiot the wrong idea?

"You were so incompetent as a doctor that you needed someone to lean on all the time and your female instincts kind of led you to me. Which meant I've been stuck with you hanging onto me for eight years," I grumbled.

He appeared hurt at my words, and I felt heart drop with an awful feeling in my gut. I felt sick with it. I wasn't dealing with Newbie, _my _Newbie, but this imposter that was pretending to be him. It talked like him and smelt like and had all the mannerisms, but it just wasn't him.

"Was I really that bad?" he looked down at his lap, like his expression was dragging his face down.

"No. I was... I was just...joking," I pulled a fake grin, trying to get him to perk up.

Unlike Newbie, he never looked back up and just shrugged it off like he would normally. No. It would have been a God send if he had done that. Instead, he looked up with something else I've only seen in his eyes a couple of times. I had truly pissed him off.

"What sort of cruel joke is that?" he spat out each word like it tasted foul.

"Johnny-" his anger spiked, cutting me off.

"And I don't like being called Johnny! My name is John, not Harriet, Princess, or Newbie! I don't know why I let you walk all over me, but you can't do it this time around! I'm not just gonna roll over and come running at ever beckoning call!"

He gritted his teeth, glaring at me with those blue eyes that had somehow had gotten dark since I entered the room. Rage didn't suit his face, but it sure was intimidating for those who were of weaker hearts. Me, on the other hand, wasn't weak. I had the worst anger known throughout the hospital.

"Okay, John," I said calmly and slowly, "Just calm down. It's not good to get worked up like this."

"Now you're talking to me like some child. Is that how you see me? How the hell I saw you as a superhero I'll never know. Just get lost, okay. I don't want to talk to you," he hissed.

"Fine."

I stood from my sore seating, my butt feeling like it had just had something shoved up it for the last twenty minutes. Reminded me of sex with Jordan. I kept my face hidden from...who that person was, and stormed out of the door, slamming it hard behind me. I stayed there for a few seconds, before throwing my fist into the wall and cursing myself. I left a small dent in the wall with specks of blood dotting the green plaster. I massaged my sore hand, though the pain didn't feel quiet enough to punish me for what I had done.

"He's never going to trust you again," I muttered to myself, "He won't be his superhero anymore. And I kind of liked the idea of wearing underwear over tights."

**A/N: Another cliffhanger, right? I know. I can't help myself. Hehe.**


	5. Our Livelihood

_**Our Livelihood**_

As I strode into the hospital that morning, I was met with three very pissed faces. As if life just couldn't get any more crap, the mother hen, the chained wife and the neurotic one woman show all confronted me in one blow. As if it were my fault! Ha! Of course, it was Carla who had to speak up first.

"What the hell did you do?" she yelled, shoving her index finger into my chest.

I snarled, trying to scare them off. I knew that would never work, because these three people had learned to deal with me and the way I was.

"Don't you snarl at me! You know why we're here, so don't go denying it like some crybaby!" She accused me.

"How dare you hurt my Vanilla-Bear like that," Baldie added.

"Yeah, J.D would have wanted you to help him, but you can't help yourself, can you? No. You had to go and push his buttons when he was vulnerable," and finally Barbie.

It stung, it really did, knowing what I had done. Sure, I'd pressed his buttons before, it was what I did, but the way he was reminded me of when the kid's dad had died. And honestly, it scared me. An angry J.D was never good. He had the best of patience, but once he snapped, there was no shutting him up. I feared that the kid had become like me in more ways than one. And I'm not talking about that hideous beard which we shaved when he was admitted.

"Go to hell," I finally spat at them, pushing past all three with barely any force.

The whole incident just made my mood plummet even further. I was not a person to be dealt with that day. It was best to just avoid me at all costs. I had no one there to unload it all on, and on top of that, Ted had given me more paperwork to finish. Was there no end to it? I was drowning, sinking in all the problems that were tugging at my limbs. And slowly, one by one, they were succeeding in taking me under.

"I'd do anything to just see him smile and try and give me a hug, annoying as it was," I sighed, flopping down on my desk.

All my energy was being sucked away from me, the constant thought of Sandy hating me for probably the rest of his life. I just hoped his memory was going to come back sooner rather than later. What was I; depressed? Nothing like a good scotch would fix.

"Dr. Cox, you have a visitor," sweaty Teddy spoke up.

I made a childish giggle before sitting up in the chair. I swivelled the chair from one side to the other with my foot and nodded for Ted to show the visitor in. To my surprise, the Janitor walked through the door. His hands stayed deep in his pockets and his head remained down, his eyes glued to the floor as if it had suddenly become the most interesting thing ever. I motioned for Ted to leave, which he obliged.

"So, what can I do for you?" I groaned, resting my head down on my propped up arm.

"I overheard that you pissed Dorian off," he started.

_Oh great. Someone else to bite my head off. For the love of God, I didn't do anything! I just... Ah hell, I don't know!_ I mentally screamed at the man. I took a deep breathe and stared into space for a moment.

"If you were eavesdropping then you'll also know it weren't my fault," I replied, raising my eyebrows.

"I believe ya," the Janitor shrugged.

"Say what now?"

Lurch raised his head and turned his view to the window, watching the outside world. I was tempted to look at what he was looking at, but I was still partially in shock, so my eyes were fixed to the tall figure.

"I know him a lot better than anyone," he began.

"I'm not gonna ask why," I broke through his sentence.

"Anyway, this isn't Dorian. He'd never talk like that to you unless he really was mad about something; like you killed his son."

"Yeah...I could see that."

_This guy's crazy,_ I thought to myself, as I continued to listen to him, nodding my head each second he spoke. The dark haired man took his eyes from the window and turned to me properly.

"It might not kind of...come across, but I do like the kid," the Janitor admitted.

It certainly was a week for surprises. I didn't know how many more other times I was going to get knocked flat on my ass.

"I was gonna volunteer to watch him this afternoon. I'll put in a good word for ya," he bowed his head again and left without a word, his voice sounding rather different and sincere.

With the office again the myself, I couldn't help but wonder how the kid was doing. Admittedly, he wasn't that kid intern no longer, but, gosh darn it, every time I looked at him I saw that scared little intern, seeking out my approval. I wondered if, somewhere in that giddy, imaginative mind of his, the _real_ Newbie was wandering around, looking for an escape route. And if so, could I help him?

**-****I-**

"_Hello?" I asked the whiteness, my voice echoing. _

_Every sound I made, every move I made echoed. I was lost, that was for sure, in this big, white world with nothing in it. I wandered around, no other sound than myself meeting my ears. It was quite certain that I was the only soul here. Why would they? I didn't particularly like it myself. I glanced around again, hoping to see some sign of life. Still...nothing. I had to wonder; where was I? Before I was here...I was on the freeway, my car tumbling over and over like a bouncy ball. I chuckled to myself at the thought. _This whiteness... Does it mean I'm dead?_ I asked myself internally. I glanced to clothing. I was still wearing the old jeans, the grey, long sleeved top and the navy jacket over it. That was the last thing I had been wearing, as far as I could remember. Though, my mind was a little preoccupied with the life or death thing to be really asking myself what I was last wearing. _

"_You're wearing the same clothes when you entered that car crash," a voice, sounding almost identical to mine sounded._

_I turned around to an exact mirror image of myself. However, there was certain characteristics that were far different. For instance, I didn't look like I was ready to kill someone. This J.D did. He mouth was a fine lined smirk and his eyes hungered of blood-lust. _

"_Who are you?" I asked, not sounding to casual._

"_Why, I'm you, you idiot," he chuckled, and not in the way I usually did. _

_He was me, but not me at the same time – if that made any sense whatsoever. The imposter stepped closer and began to laugh, quite wickedly I might add._

"_What's so funny?" I asked._

"_The fact that I'm delving right into your life and the fact that there's nothing you can do about," he sniggered._

_I widened my eyes, my mouth hanging open like an idiot. What did he mean? I couldn't understand, I tried, but I couldn't understand what was happening. It was all to much for my brain. _

_Have you ever wondered if we had a psyche, in which we could enter when we're a push and need help. It's like there's this key to open the flood gates and let it all pouring out. Well, in my case, my psyche gates concealed this other J.D, a man with a hatred so strong. I guess he was mad because I barely used him at all. I had to wonder...was this my psyche? This whiteness? Perhaps I was in a coma? No. I was awake, but the one steering my body wasn't me, but this nobody in front of me. _

"_Give me my body back!" I exclaimed, gritting my teeth. _

"_Make me," the other teased._

_I breathed heavily, my nostrils flaring at the sight of this man. I was going to have to fight him until there was a victor. I really wished I had Dr. Cox. He would have loved to batter this Newbie into oblivion. Even the Janitor would have a field day. The thought of them both made my chuckle, though my eyes were still glaring intently at the brunette haired imposter in front of me. _

"_Bring it on," I smiled wildly. _

_**-**_**II-**

Four in the afternoon and the creepy Janitor hadn't returned. I was beginning to wonder what was keeping him. It was almost evening and I sure as hell wanted to speak to him about Newbie. Ever since our little tiff, I kept to myself. No one that sad came to me asking for things, and I was pretty sure I knew why. So here I was at something past four in the afternoon, somehow finding myself pacing the floor of my office, hands clasped behind my skull and lab coat flapping behind me like nobody's business. A sudden knock to the door broke my stride. I turned around and brought my hands down from my head. I called for them to come in and there he was, the man of the hour. The Janitor.

"So?" I asked expectantly.

"So?" he shrugged.

"What happened?"

He opened his mouth and then thought better of it, his eyes lingering at the painting on my wall above the couch. He deflated and then took a seat down on the one of the chairs opposite my desk. He gestured for me to sit, but I was fine standing.

"He's not Dorian anymore, that's for sure," he began, "I gotta say, I never thought about finding that there..."

I rethought his gesture and sat down. I leaned forward on my knees and listened carefully to the story. It sure was going to be a long one.

**MB: I'm back! Isn't it great. After about two months of utter silence. The fact is, I have waaay more time my hands because ta-da-da-daaaa I left school just after the October holidays. So now with nothing to do until January, I'm hopefully going to be updating more frequently. **

_**P.S. Anyone got any ideas what's happening to J.D? I do. Shhh!**_


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